Happy New year!🎊

Hello everyone, it has been a while since I’ve been around here…😅, time has been working against me lately but I’m back for one last 2018 post😊

So I’m sure we’ve all noticed that today is the last day of the year(I don’t think anybody can ignore that). I know for some it feels so good that 2018 is finally over😅 because the year has been so mean to them. To others they wish they were given some more time to achieve more stuffs…others again are just grateful to see the end of one more year (and I’m one of them).

2018 to me was hmmmm…well…I can’t really say much about 2018 because words alone can’t describe this year 😅, I got nothing much to say except for the fact that it was one challenging year. The challenges i have encountered this year were those next level types of challenges….😅😅

However, I have also learned a lot. 2018 has made me grow up so fast…like honestly I think I grew up more in 2018 than in any other year of my life. I mean if i have to evaluate my mental and emotional growth since birth I can ensure you that the growth I have experienced this year alone is by far the biggest ever!!!

This year alone has taught me how to accept what I can’t change, to be humble, grateful, live in the moment, appreciate the people who really matter but most of all I have learned how to shush😅…yes I never really knew how to keep quiet and listen to others but now I’m a big time listener.

I’m not sure if I am ready for what 2019 has in store for me but I choose to have the courage to accept what’s mine and let go of what isn’t. That’s my new year resolution.

What’s yours?

Until we meet again…Happy New Year🎊🎊🎊

Advertisements

Can a woman propose to her man?🤷🏾‍♀️🤔

Men and their egos!🤦🏾‍♀️ Some men perceive a marriage proposal from their women as an act of disrespect and I honestly don’t understand why🤷🏾‍♀️!!

Anyway, moving on…😏

I wouldn’t call myself a feminist because I disagree with most feminist views.🤔 However, I do think that women shouldn’t be restricted by irrelevant rules and laws preventing them from exploiting their full potential. This being said, I think women should be able to choose to do whatever they want to do, whenever and however they want to. We want options✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾!

Have you ever wondered, why does the society put women in a box with so much passion? Are we wild animals? Are we gonna destroy our lives or the entire world with our stupid actions?🤷🏾‍♀️ In my humble opinion, I think the world/society is fond of treating women like kids/toddlers.🙄You see,toddlers can’t be free of doing whatever they want because most times they don’t even know what they want and it is perfectly okay because they are kids. So, in order to prevent them from harming themselves, parents/adults/society come up with rules and laws to protect the kiddos.👍🏾

But women are not kids, are they? 🤦🏾‍♀️

Why can’t women propose if they want to?🤨It’s not like women are kids, because when kids have the opportunity to do whatever they want it is more likely that they will act silly and do lots of mistakes and end up being in trouble! Women are adults and entirely capable of knowing wrong from right. So what’s with the restraining rules?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with the idea of men and women being equal👎🏾! Yep I said it. We are not equal but that doesn’t mean that one is more or less important than the other. We all have a role to play and it’s only when those roles are played well that cohesion is possible. Also, sometimes when it’s really necessary some of the roles can be swapped if need be. 🤷🏾‍♀️

This being said, can a woman propose?

Hmmm,🧐honestly I don’t think it is necessary for a woman to propose. Why do I say that? Well, because i believe a man who really wanna marry you will do so when he’s ready😊. Of course, some men are extremely slow and in that case I believe it is important to have a talk and sometimes even propose without proposing😁! Yea, there are GOOD WAYS👍🏾 you can use to inspire your man to get him to propose to you when you know he’s the right one but he’s taking too long for no obvious reasons🧐!

See, I wrote GOOD WAYS in capital letters because I know there are bad ways👎🏾 too. I believe we all know what’s good and bad, so I’m not gonna get into that😉.

What’s your take on this topic? Let us know in the comments section!

Until we meet again…À plus😊!

Friendship goals!

Have you ever asked yourself the following questions?

Why am I friend with this person? What positive impact have they brought to my life? What have I done for them so far? Is our friendship growing? What good initiative have we done together? What do I do to keep this friendship growing stronger? 🤔

Well, I have been asking myself these questions lately and I was surprised with the answers that came up and I realized that I had three categories of answers.

1. Static friendships🙁(friends for a reason?🤷🏾‍♀️)

The relationship between me and this category of my friends has been static from the beginning (so awkward…😂). No growth nor backwardness have been recorded. You know the kinda people that are in your contact list, you don’t really know what they’re doing there but you keep them there anyway we never know😅🤷🏾‍♀️! We do chat a few times a month and also comment on each other statuses but that’s about all! It’s actually kinda weird to me because I wonder if I should just leave it that way or try to shake it up a little just to see what’s going to happen?🤷🏾‍♀️ I also wonder if they have been asking themselves the same questions🤔…

2. Degenerating friendships🙁(friends for a season🤷🏾‍♀️?)

This category is one of the weirdest to me😖…I don’t know what has happened to us but sadly, we seem to be growing apart at a fast pace😒…And it’s like no effort is being made on both sides to sustain the relationship. Although, this seems like a pretty organic way to outgrow people, I just wonder if putting more efforts to sustain the friendship will be a good investment or a waste of time? 🤷🏾‍♀️…You know the kind of people with who you have spent good times and you have kept good memories too?…but that was a long time ago and nothing has happened since then…😖 and of course, you’ve had problems but you have resolved them and kept being friends but then one day you realize “wait I haven’t spoken to them in a while?” I know I’m not the only one in this situation, am I?😕

3. Quality friendships🤗(lifetimies🤞🏾😊)

This last category is just the most cherished by me. Guys, nobody in this world grows younger and the older you get the more you get to appreciate true friendship. I don’t refer to them as my best friends, I find that calling a bit childish🙈. I call them my quality friends🤗. Quality friendship to me is when you feel that though we are all busy, minding our businesses and we can spend days without keeping in touch, you always have them in your mind and you know they have you in theirs too. When you see a nice item they would like or when you have the opportunity to get them something they would like you just don’t hesitate to get them and you know they would do the same for you. We respect each other enough to give ourselves privacy but that doesn’t prevent us from making their problems ours.👍🏾

The kind of friends with who you don’t feel any competition nor comparison vibes. And if any of those vibes occur, they do so without bringing envy or hatred but instead they motivate you to try your very best and to keep up with them. It’s all about building each other up and supporting each other💪🏾. We don’t just spend time talking about our problems but we also think of solutions together without any judgement.

I find myself actively trying to sustain the friendship without feeling exhausted because they are doing the same. The best part is that some of those friends are longtime friends from high school and my teenage years while others, I have known not so long ago!

Isn’t this perfect? Yes it is!! But it can get imperfect real quick, that’s why it’s important to establish friendship goals sooner than later. The goals with the last category of my friends is bringing a sustainable positive impact in their lives. Maybe that is what is lacking in the two other categories🤷🏾‍♀️

This being said, I have come to the realization that you don’t need to force friendship, the genuine friendships will find a way to sustain themselves even when distance or time get involved. The not so genuine ones, however, will fade away even when the best efforts are made.

What’s your take on this topic? Let us know with a comment😊

Until we meet again…À plus!!!

My thoughts on “The White wedding” 👰🏾 🎩

As women we are almost “taught” to dream about the white wedding day. I remember dreaming more about my white dress than the actual wedding itself (🙈I know I wasn’t the only one). I eventually figured out that I cannot get married to myself🙄 so moving on…

What comes to your mind when you hear the words “white wedding” ? 💭 💭…well, I guess the white dress comes to most people’s mind, right? Well, that’s not what happened to me the first time I heard that🤦🏾‍♀️.

I got so confused the first time i heard someone telling me about her cousin’s “white wedding”🤨. She left me so confused, my brain couldn’t process those words. You see the thing is, i knew her entire family was black, so was the groom’s family…so i was like what’s happening here!??😳 why is she calling it “white wedding???🤨”

Guys the thing is, as I have told you all in my previous posts, I am from a French speaking country so we don’t call it white wedding. In French, we say “Le mariage religieux” which means the religious wedding. And that’s the wedding in which the bride and the groom receive the blessing from their religious institutions. As you can see, the emphasis in “mariage religieux” is put on the religious activities of the wedding.

Just like the legal wedding and traditional wedding, we know that the main features of the wedding that day are legal activities, traditional activities. So if I have to do the translation for the “white wedding” to French, it will sounds something like “le mariage blanc” 🤦🏾‍♀️. Guys, what’s le marriage blanc???🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

I heard and read that the creators of the wording “white wedding” drew inspiration from the fact that the bride wears a white dress…🤷🏾‍♀️which makes more sense to me than any other explanation. However, we all know that this would be misleading because the wedding is not about the white dress!!! Why put so much emphasis on a dress while there are so many other important things happening? The fact that two people decided to spend the REST of their lives together, for instance 😅😅

More insights on this topic reveal that the “white wedding” is not about the white dress only but the concept actually refers to other features of the wedding!😳 like what?👀🤷🏾‍♀️ I don’t know and I don’t even wanna go there, I rather stick to the first explanation!

I don’t know who came up with the wording of this concept but I have so many question to ask! 😐 Why is the emphasis of that wedding on the color white? 🤔what do the words “white wedding” stand for!?🤔what if I decide to wear a blue dress at my white wedding, can it still be called a white wedding? Oh wait, nope…they said it’s not about the color of the dress alone!…so, since it’s not about the color of the bride’s dress, then I think it is high time we revisit the wording of this concept because it is quite obvious that it creates unnecessary confusion in the world 😁…or maybe just in me😒.

Anyway, I believe the world has more important matters to attend to, so I guess I will just have to deal with this myself since I might be the only one having this problem. I guess I’ll just refer to it as the religious wedding instead…it just sounds right to me😊

What are your thoughts on this topic? Don’t forget to tell us in the comments!!😊😊

Until we meet again…À plus!

Fake it til you make it!🤔

I often hear people say “fake it til you make it” and I actually never really liked the sound of that, which is mostly due to the “fake it” part of the statement. And every time I heard that, the only emoji that came to my mind was 🤥

I used to look at the people advocating for this concept like 👀… “what is wrong with these people👀?why would you fake it?…I can never do that😒…oh no no no no, why won’t you just work hard for it? “ I thought of it as a concept that encourages people to be fake in order to obtain what they want and my mind refused to accept the fake it ideology because, I have faithfully trained myself to try hard not to associate myself with anything labeled “fake”.

I, however love doing research so I decided to find out more about the psychology behind this statement. To my greatest surprise, I discovered that I was, to a significant extent , wrong about the fake it til you make it concept. Although, I totally disagree with the wording of the concept, it does make sense to a great extent🤔 and in case you are like me, here👇🏾 is an illustration of the psychology behind “fake it til you make it”👇🏾:

Basically this cat☝🏿believes that it’s a Lion 🦁, so it’s gonna act/dress up like one until it eventually becomes a Lion 🦁….🤦🏾‍♀️ Okay maybe the example of the cat 🐱 doesn’t really make sense😂…But I’m sure we all understand what the concept is about. And it really is not that bad, it actually is interesting. You believe in becoming something and you act like it until you become so. And that’s more like another way of having faith in yourself and there is nothing wrong with having faith in yourself, is there 🤔?

So, I have come to realize that it is actually okay to fake it til you make it, as long as you keep it real and honest which contradicts the wording of the first part of the statement.🙄….so, I keep falling into this vicious circle🙄. What is most important, however, is that I actually agree with the psychology behind the concept but I told myself, if you decide to “fake it til you make it” just make sure you do not loose yourself in all the faking process and becomes a fake someone🤥(like the cat 🐱). That, to me is the greatest danger and the trap hidden within this ideology because of the wording. I believe the wording sets the tone for the actions that will follow.

So, I rather “faith it til i make it”? Hebrew 11:1 says: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.🙏🏾 I am a believer of Christ, and the fuel that keeps me going in this world is the faith that I have in Christ. So I rather refer to it as “faith it til you make it”, my mind is just more at peace with that and it sounds right, doesn’t it?😊

It is entirely up to you to choose to fake it til you make it or faith it til you make it but make sure you keep it real!😊

Don’t forget to tell me your thoughts about this!

Until we meet again…À plus

Self discovery part 3

Some people choose to start a self discovery journey, my case is different…self discovery literally showed up uninvited, unannounced… very unethical indeed 😒😒 The flames 🔥 came to me (they’re still coming🙄) and i had no other choices than to go through them and it was in that process that my journey started.

The first year of my academic years was one of the hardest challenges I’ve had to overcome in my life. I told you guys earlier about the language struggle but there’s more to it. 👇🏾

*Disclaimer: this post is a bit long but the ending is beautiful(I think😁) so keep scrolling down😊

So the first day of university started, I was all excited and happy…”Yaaayy! This is it…I’m starting university…I know I’ll be great….I got this…I’ll make my parents proud🎉🎉🎉 etc…” I was literally having a party in my head. I went inside the lecture hall, sat on the first row and I had everything well organized…my note pad was freshhh and I had up to 5 pens guys I was serious. So the lecturer came in, greeted everybody and started lecturing….

Guys, what I’m about to tell you is true….all I heard from the lecturer that day went like : “gfsuhbegscg jshshgsgsv unstaffed koojsgahhs ihshga really jshstffs..uushsffvajn,,,/()&/$$/)?/6/$&-@&…”😳😳😳….my eyes couldn’t believe what my ears were hearing, my brain refused to process what my ears were hearing and my heart…my poor little heart was so broken….🙆🏾‍♀️I started having headache…I immediately fell ill 🤒..fever guys….I had an instant fever 🤒….

At the end of the lecture I kept asking myself , what am I really doing here???😫 I wanted to call my parents to tell them that I quit!…I don’t wanna do this, I don’t think I can do this…I went back to my flat and cried😭😭😭guys…I cried, I could fill up a whole bucket and bath with it…but somehow, I kept attending the lecturers even though I didn’t get much from them.

Few days later, it was time to write my first assignment. So, I prepared myself, I tried to read and reread the course pack…I didn’t understand much tho 😂… but I told myself it’s an assignment and i understand the question, so how hard can it be🤷🏾‍♀️…I can do this, I got this💪🏾 So, I spent days writing and rewriting and correcting my work and all. The submission day finally arrived and I submitted on time! I was like, what’s the worst that can happen anyway?🤷🏾‍♀️ After all I’m sure i understood the question and gave the right answer according to the course pack…so I’m good!👍🏾

The papers came back few days later and I went to fetch mine…guess what was my mark?👉🏾…30%…30…thir👏🏾ty👏🏾per👏🏾cent👏🏾y’all…And the lecturer side note said that he gave me 30 cause he couldn’t go lower than that…guys who does that?😫😫😫…I’m someone’s kid stop doing this to me…😭😭😭…I almost had a cardiac arrest💔!….I ran out of breath…I told myself that’s it! I quit…started giving myself the same quitting speech again…I was so disappointed….But somehow, I found myself in school again, attending lectures and I actually never gave my parents that call to tell them I give up 🤷🏾‍♀️because I never even found the strength to call them.

I believe it was at that moment of my life that I discovered that I am no quitter because it didn’t matter how broken I felt, I would still somehow find myself in class, in the library, in tutorials, researching online. I spent nights sleeping in the library because I studied so much I didn’t keep track of time. So I slept in the library coz it was too late to go home….I had to move out of my comfort zone…I had to go the extra mile….And the next thing I know I’m graduating👩🏾‍🎓and completing my honors and graduating👩🏾‍🎓completing my masters and all…I look back 👀and I’m like I actually never gave up, did I? I realized that I am actually stronger than I thought I was💭

All I’m trying to say is just because it didn’t work out the first time doesn’t mean it never gonna work out. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they are, and when you are defeated dust yourself , stand up and try again. If you feel that it is really worth it, then be willing to put in the work and do it the right way. I’m sure you all know the saying that goes: “quitters never win and winners never quit” I know it’s so cliché but guys this statement is based on facts! If you have to quit, then quit quitting the good things and quit the bad ones( did you get that??😄😁😁 did it on purpose🙈😁).

This is the last part of my self discovery journey write up😊…One of the most important things I have discovered about myself is that I do not know how to quit, so there is a high probability that I might not be a quitter😊the journey still goes on tho, but the writing part of it ends here😊

What have you discovered about yourself so far? We wanna know more about it, let us know with a comment, you might help someone😊 who knows🤷🏾‍♀️?

I leave you with this👇🏾 thought:

“The greatest discovery in life is self-discovery. Until you find yourself, you’ll always be someone else. Become yourself.”

Myles Monroe.

Until we meet again…A plus!!!

Self discovery part 2

“There is no way you can know more about yourself if “yourself” is no longer there.”

I have always thought that i know myself well enough👍🏾…I thought I could predict my every reaction to every action around me. Until I discovered I was wrong👎🏾….as a matter of fact I was so ignorant. The only thing I knew was how to please others, instead of focusing on my self growth, I focused on working on ways to make myself more acceptable in the society, in my community, in school, in church. “I wanted to be important to others”😔…I wanted to fit in so hard that I kept loosing myself in the process and i was not even aware of it.

*

All that happened from a very young age until my early 20s. Yep, when I came to SA to complete my studies, I was all of a sudden on my own. It took my parents every single bit of courage to let their little/cute/adorable/angel go(….🤣🤣just kidding, i was no angel trust me….i saw the look on your face tho😂😂😂..)

*

I was 19 when I arrived here. Nobody really warned me about the challenges I would face being here on my own. I guess that’s because nobody knew. I learned the hard way that I needed to teach myself how to stand up for myself. Mommy and Daddy ain’t gon’ be there to stand up for you no more…(they are still gonna do it but from a distance…) I believe that, it was the fact that I was so far away from my parents, that triggered my self discovery journey….Mind you, at 19 I was still a little girl(in my opinion)…and for a last born for whom everything was done and all, I didn’t really know much about doing things on my own. I am really grateful 🙏🏾to my parents for trusting me enough and letting me go on a whole different journey in a different country.

*

I struggled to integrate tho 😂😂….dude the struggle was real! First of all, the language issue showed me 🔥 y’all😰😰…I remember going to a shop and asking them to give me a bottle of Fanta Ananas!!!😂😂😂 the seller was like Fanta ananas???😳😳😳..I’m like “yea can I please have a Fanta Ananas??!!! In my head, I really thought I was right, I was even so confident that I noticed the confused expression on the seller’s face😂😂🤣….and then I was like, lemme help her out maybe she is new to all this thing🙈🙈🙈…and with a big/confident smile I said :” ma’am I want the yellowish Fanta please😊!?. And she said “oh you mean Fanta pineapple??…guysss🙈🙈🙈🙈the embarrassment 🙈🙈🙈…You know that embarrassed smile 😃😃😃😃, the kinda smile that hurts your face when you stop🙈🙈🙈🙈…cut long story short : Ananas is French for pineapple…😂😂😂

Coming back to more serious matters, so I have encountered many difficulties in the different domain of my life. However, I came to the realization that, in order for you to be relevant to yourself you sometimes have to become irrelevant to others and this is because not everyone will ❤️ the real you. But it’s okay and it doesn’t really matter because those that are willing to stay with the real you are the ones who were supposed to be part of your life anyway.

Creating this website and sharing/expressing my thoughts on this platform is a huge step in this journey. It allows me to let the world know about the real me. I did think hard about it tho😅…questions kept running my mind like: what if they don’t like you?😱Are you really willing to become so vulnerable to people’s opinion?😒…they gon’ judge you😒….what about the criticism?🤭” I had all of those👈🏾 thoughts in my mind.

*

Then I was like well, there must be at least one person who loves this…and guess what? I am that first person✋🏾😊…(high fiving myself in my head)….I will stop here for today but before I go lemme ask you this question:

Do you know yourself ?

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”

Aristotle

Until we meet again…À plus!!!!